Thursday, July 10, 2008

Bleh 2.0

Hey Gamers,
I'm not feeling particularly witty today, so my news today will be very objective. Just feeling my poorness a little, and fantasizing about the emoluments that come from a steady office job - but then I can't type in my pyjamas.

While my memories of the Village People include a pair of rollerskates and the best damn arm-created C you have ever seen, future generations may remember those macho men in a videogame cameo. Randy Jones, the original cowboy from the Village People is lending his likeness to Postal 3 as the leader of a gay biker gang. (Can I giggle or is that not PC?) From Running With Sissors, the Postal 3 ships in 2009 for the 360, PS3 and PC/Mac. Check out the full release and the Postal 3 website here:

"oh hunnie! I've always wanted a pair of fur mittens!"
Anyone in a third world country listening? ok good, cause they would probably be kind of pissed to know that instead of slapping a logo on a bag of rice dropped from an aid plane, media and venture capital firms are instead spending their money ($345 million to be exact) on creating a presence on social networking sites. You can read more about the gigantic waste of money here:

E3 is just around the corner! Since the great fan-boy ban of 2007, any game-lover must wait for their favorite website to post whatever information they deem newsworthy. Yes my friends, your news is given to you in doctor-directed doses. Before I continue to divulge the dirty cesspool of journalism villanry, let me just give you the link to E3 Insider here and you can make your own conclusions about what games you want to play:

Virtual Villagers update -
I killed my first round of survivors. We ran out of food. Don't ever ask me to lead your expedition. So I started again, this time with the tutorial, and everyone is still alive. Even with the tutorial, my poor little natives ate nothing but mushrooms for awhile after the honey ran out and before the banana tree grew up. I was really worried! As for this research, I personally think it is a waste of time. If points were not involved I would close down the lab and make my scientist help the two retard builders finish the hut already.

Laundry sucks - I'm out.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Disk Cleanup = Stupid

Since Mr. Valentine and I electronically cohabitate, I decided to delete my favorite game and all my best architectural work to-date from his laptop in favor of more room for his music and more room for small games I can review. FUCKER! I wake up this morning and after his 7 Jillion MB movie-downloading marathon last night I can't even start Virtual Villagers. Right now I'm waiting for disk clean-up to get rid of some unnecessary shit so I can see if all my villagers are just a pile of bones. ARG!

And they are. Re-Do!

Snooty Scrabble owners are creating their own free version of the game to compete with Scrabulous, a popular Facebook application. After unanswered demands to remove Scrabulous from the social site, Mattel and Hasbro teamed up with EA to create their own sanctioned version that begins testing Monday. I play Scrabulous and it makes me smile. I vote Facebook users boycott the Scrabble version. Consumers do have a say, bitches!
Check out the full story here:

In a decidedly Microsoftian move, Apple is pushing software designed to control and eliminate hacking into authorized retailers all over the country. While everyone else in the U.S. celebrated the 4th, Apple issued a memo to their retail employees concerning the forthcoming "unbricking" ability. Nice move. Real Slick.
Check out the full story here:

The ACMI exhibit GameON, a history of video games is closing this Sunday. The exhibit, a vintage gamer's dream, toured the world hitting cities like Tokyo, London and Chicago before settling in Melbourne for a final three months. The exhibit drew record crowds in Australia and the total so far is 117,000 visitors. I wonder what they will do with all the stuff from the exhibit?
If you're in Australia you should definitely check this out. Unfortunately, my jet is in the shop, so I won't be able to make it. Check out the full story here:,21985,23993544-2902,00.html

Here's an idea. The next time your bored take out your phone and blast some zombies. Inlogic Software is introducing Death Zone to mobile phones everywhere. Released today, Death Zone is a casual blood bath. You are charged with ridding each environment of those pesky zombies. Kill as many as possible, because we all know zombies don't have feelings anyway.
Peep some screenshots and the link below.

Check out this article by Julian Murdoch that lists the ins and outs of videogame law and how it usually goes when politicians are not involved.

Alright, everyone out of the pool. You are starting to prune.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Sans Cigarettes - Day Two

It's already heating up in my un-airconditioned apartment, both from the sun and my seething rage. Day two with no cigarettes, patch or placebo pill and I'm ready to shoot someone in the face. I need a really good distraction, but unfortunately all I have is this blog. Check out this edition of the six-seconds-away-from-a-Manhattan-rampage-gaming-news.

Now THIS is what I need. In the winter I spent every Sunday in a yoga class at my gym, but now that it is summer and I have friends visiting every day it's pretty impossible to make it there. JoWood Production announced Monday they would help me with my stress levels by releasing the first in a series of fitness titles early 2009 (2009!?). Check out the press release here:

This is taking so long - I'm so distracted. Anywho - There is a an article on the Times UK site by Rob Fahey claiming we will all be gamers soon. I hope so, I'd love to see someone like Dick Cheney play Big Buck Hunter instead of Fun-Times-In-The-Woods in real-life. Check out the rest of the story here:

A new website opened today. Fidget - a digital and print magazine for real people - is now live and features reviews, previews, media and all that good stuff. Check it out here:

And now for my last trick, cause I need a soda or a muffin or something to get me out of the house for a second, here are the latest releases to the PS3 and DS.

Beijing Olympics
Civilization Revolution

Carnival Games
Ducati Moto

I gotta go peeps, I'm a ball of nerves right now and need to be outside for a sec. Stay tuned for screenshots of my time with the new Virtual Villagers game, and commentary on other games I'm reviewing right now.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Stealth Edition - Shhh!

Good semi-morning gamers. I'm a little late today because I'm waiting for this strange dude sleeping in my living room to get up. Actually his name is Nic and he is Mr. Valentine's friend. Nic is a van-driving cross-continent tour guide for Sun Trek tours; possibly the most badass job I've ever heard of. If I lived in my imagination, I should like to kill Nic, steal his identity and take off with his van-trailer combo like Nightrider pre-booze. Say hi to Nic, but very quietly.
And now the news -

Games Radar writer Matt Curdy put together a great list of achievements that all you hardcore gamers may want to memorize. In "50 Skills That Every Gamer Should Master," Curdy lists "Not steering the controller like a girl" as one of these abilities.
Hey douche, I'm a girl and I don't steer the controller one bit.
Though the illustration under it is hilarious, I have to speak up for my fellow ladies in gaming and say that is not a fair assessment. Have you ever played with girls? Do you even know what a girl is?
Despite Curdy's obviously sexist list, there is some truth. I do play my favorite game obsessively to the point where nothing short of a stern arm grab will take my attention away from my current objective. Anywho - Check out the link to the full list here and tell Matt Curdy that boobs don't bite:

Xbox 360 lovers should cruise over to Gamasutra to see the interview with Microsoft fany pants Aaron Greenberg. Greenberg is the director of product management and is oh so happy about the future of the 360. He talks about Wii and PS3 rivalries, how the Asians are loving their 360s long time and the gatekeeping that happens on Xbox Live Arcade. Check out the story here:

Fuck Noel Gallagher in his stupid British ass. The Beatle wanna-be is blaming videogames for a stabbing spree that left 18 London-based students dead this year. He adds that they probably smoked some pot beforehand. Right, all the potheads I know love to play with knives; the kind you eat with. If you want to read all about how Noel pulls some random reason out of the air to make the mothers love him click here:
If you want to write Noel Gallagher and tell him he's a slimey limey, click here:

I think I'm going to cut it short today folks. Come back tomorrow for more news goodness.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Abbreviated Edition 1.0

Hey Kiddies,
Because it is a holiday weekend, I'm going to be doing a smaller dose of news today. (Actually, I'm addicted to GTA4. I know I'm a little slow on the uptake here, but give me a break, I didn't have a PS3 or 360 before Monday) No seriously, there are some other things that don't involve maiming innocent bystanders and I want to enjoy a nice afternoon with Mr. Valentine.
Ready, Set Read!

Damn! There are a few PS3 owners around the world tonight who are seriously pissed. After the July 2 release, reports that the 2.40 update rendered systems useless started trickling in. Though Sony claims the complaints are few and far-between, they removed the update from all servers. It is unclear if Sony will cover the damage caused by their "improvement" or not. Read the rest of the story by Ian Williams here:

The Sims 2 H&M Contest has a winner. A player-designed outfit is scheduled to hit H&M stores on July 6 for around $15. Check out a pic of the dress below

"Now women in the criminal career can rob with style"

The in-game trailer from GT Revolution is now available to check out at their shiny new website. Created by Viva Media and SimBin Studios, GT Revolution invites you to pimp 49 cars including the Corvette C6R and the Spyker GT2R. Check out the screenshots below and a link to the trailer here:

Alright Guys, I'm outsies. I release you from my tutelage to have a great Fourth of July, and I'll see you here again on Monday!

Viva La Revolution!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Scrump-diddly-umptious GTA4

I snuck in a little session right before this. This game is the shit. It's awesome seeing where I live represented (a little skewed) in a videogame. And now, the laconic news.

Alex Pham of the Los Angeles Times wonders where this trend of aging heroes comes from, particularly in gaming. Solid Snake, the iconic character from the Metal Gear series is 43 in his latest cameo, but a degenerating disease makes him look much older. Rambo is still running the jungle at 61, and we don't even have to go into Ancient Indiana Jones. Check out how Snake is out of retirement to create sales for the PS3 here:
Speaking of PS3, Nyko Technologies is creating a media hub for the next-generation console from Sony. The hub attaches to the PS3 and includes three additional USB ports, a media card reader slot that supports SD cards and Memory Sticks. It is compatible with all PS3 models. The Hug is available in August for $19. I got this info from Games Press, a press-only site, but you can check out their website here: (while your there, take a peek at the Wii-glock. You'll know what I mean ;)
YoYo Games, a user-generated games portal, announced the winner of their Independent Developers’ Casual Gaming Competition today. Developers had under two months to create games featuring an ancient civilization theme. Ancient Ants Adventure, a third-person shooter surrounding the life of a shamanic ant won first prize. Created by a RedSystem, the game earned their creators $1,000. Check out YoYo Games and over 19,000 games here:

Hey cool! Lets sit down with Paul Sams over at Gamasutra and hear all about his trying journey through the Burning Sea with those ugly-ass trolls. Oh wait, no, he's talking about Diablo 3 (officially deemed awesome game #1 here at GracieValentine) and if he has any plans for a free-to-play World of Warcraft. Now THAT would be sweet. He even sticks up for Microsoft. What a nice man. To read more about WoW, D3 and Franchising check out the story here:

Hey video gamers who also like books! Game Informer has a great article on their site. Their list of the ten best videogame books of all time includes Snow Crash, Lucky Wander Boy and The Ultimate History of Videogames From Pong to Pokemon .
Check out the full list here and give yourself something to read this summer.

Ok kids, I'm out. Have a good one.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Happy Dance Tuesday!

Today is a good day fellow gamers. I am now the proud owner of a PS3 and DS lite, and even better, there is a fun-sounding improv sample class I'm heading to this evening. And there is always the fact that I get to share news with you. Awww. Anywayz - let's get to the news whilst I rock out in my new "corner office." (I'm literally in a corner)

Yet another of those "free" MMORPGs is heading to North America. Square Enix is using the site to test Concerto Gate, a new title that is free to play but charges you up the ass for decent items. Japan had a chance to try it out first when it was released to the east in 2001. Now pale American kids can get in on the action. The beta will run from July 1-14, and if your interested, head to where you can download the software. Check out the download here:;8144;/Software_Information.html
and learn how to play the beta here:

*Side Note: Remember when I said I was downloading the Spore character creator? I didn't forget to show you my creatures, the damn thing was too big for Lappy-Top Centrino (he's Italian) and I couldn't even install it. boo.

And this is where shit starts to go bad. While enjoying a dose of Hardcore Gamer yesterday, I came across a feature article listing a few of the "legal" uppers gamers can take to improve their performance. Upon more research, I noticed that Ritalin and Viagra are also sometimes used. (Viagra??) I'm not sure what kind of drugs affect the performance of one's thumbs, but taking energy pills or prescription drugs to stay awake for one more round of Deathmatch is stupid. Just ask Jessie Spano. Soda and a thousand pixie sticks should be condign supplies. Anyway, if you are interested in seeing what politicians will use as new fodder in their anti-gaming war, check out the link below.

On the lighter side, check out this extreme PS3 mod from some random super-duper fan.

Due to the expense, Microsoft will not allow third party companies to develop hardware with Xbox 360 technology. Thought to increase Microsoft's presence in the Japanese market, the new business model just doesn't make sense in places where the Xbox has a firm hold on consumers. . You can read the whole story at Games Industry Biz:

Space Siege is a new game coming out later this year from Gas Powered Games for the PC, and GameSpot got their hands on a preview copy. In Space Siege gamers become a soldier fighting against an alien race called the Kerak. As players fight their way through the game they may choose to trade their boring human limbs for shiny, bullet-blasting, cybernetic parts that are so in the now.
Check out the full hands-on preview here:;title;1&om_act=convert&om_clk=topslot

Alright peeps, I'm out of here for the day. Have a good one and stay classy!